THEY REMADE SPIDER MAN! AFTER 5 YEARS! Yes they did, because they HAD to!

"I can't believe that they remade Spider Man!"

"I know yeah! Wasn't it only like, 5 years ago since they released the movie?"

SHUT UP! Jesus! Yes, they remade Spider Man! You want to know why? BECAUSE THEY HAD TO! Now I'm not exactly Miss IKnowEverythingAboutComicBooks but I do know the basics. Only because you watched the films  doesn't mean you know everything! Because what I am about to tell you will shock some of you. Ready? THE SPIDER MAN MOVIES ARE WRONG! ALL WRONG! Sam Raimi messed it up and forced Marvel to remake the franchise from scratch!

"What, Sam made one silly mistake and know we have to go through it all again?"

He didn't just make one mistakes, he made a disaster! And it all started with the first Spider-Man movie! Here is the summary from IMDB:

Based on Marvel Comics' superhero character, this is a story of Peter Parker who is a nerdy high-schooler. He was orphaned as a child, bullied by jocks, and can't confess his crush for his stunning neighborhood girl Mary Jane Watson. To say his life is "miserable" is an understatement. But one day while on an excursion to a laboratory a runaway radioactive spider bites him... and his life changes in a way no one could have imagined. Peter acquires a muscle-bound physique, clear vision, ability to cling to surfaces and crawl over walls, shooting webs from his wrist ... but the fun isn't going to last. An eccentric millionaire Norman Osborn administers a performance enhancing drug on himself and his maniacal alter ego Green Goblin emerges. Now Peter Parker has to become Spider-Man and take Green Goblin to the task... or else Goblin will kill him. They come face to face and the war begins in which only one of them will survive at the end.

Can you see what's wrong with the picture here? No? Ok let me help you.

Peter Parker who is a nerdy high-schooler. He was orphaned as a child, bullied by jocks, and can't confess his crush for his stunning neighborhood girl Mary Jane Watson.

THERE! THERE IT IS!

"Where's what?"

Mary Jane Watson

"What about MJ?"

NEWS FLASH! Mary Jane Watson isn't Peter Parker's first and only true love!

"What! That's not true! So what, why should it matter that MJ isn't his true love?"

FINALLY, to the point of this entry! Peter's only ever loved one person and that was Gwen Stacey. But why remake the movies? Because of this:

This is Gwen being thrown of golden gate bridge by The Green Goblin, luckily Spider Man is there to save the day! But just one second, look closely at the middle frame. How many noise affects can you see? One? I see two! SWIK and SNAP. Obviously the SWIK is the sound of Spider Mans webs attaching to Gwen's leg but that is the SNAP?  

That, ladies and gentlemen is the sound of Gwen Stacey's back breaking. Yes, you guessed it.... Spider Man killed his girlfriend.

In reality, Gwen was going to die either by the fall or by Spider Man trying to save her. But it's not her death that is the issue with the movies, it's what happened to Spider Man after her death. Peter felt guilty and blames himself for her death , like his uncle, thinking he had failed to save them. Her and Ben's death act as sore reminder that Peter needs to prove, push himself more and more.

There are other reasons why they remade the movie but this is the main one. This is why Peter Parker is trying to be a hero, he is doing good to make up for what he has done bad. Redemption, that is Spider Man reason.  

The Dark Knight is one of the best movies ever made... FOR THE RIGHT REASONS!

The Dark Knight. One of the best movies ever made! With IMDB ranking this epic movie with amazing 9.0 stars, you can argue that this movie is number 1. And I can see why! The Dark Knight isn't just about Batman vs The Joker, hell no!

Some reasons why The Dark Knight is a epic movie:

1) It shows us what is wrong with society today! Everyone knows everything about everyone even if we don't want them to! But what happens when when a person (The Joker) has no record? Total panic!
2) It proves that the most nice and decent person can be molded and turned into evil. No one is truly who they think they are! If you where to say to Harvey Dent 'Hey man, do you ever think you go crazy and try to kill people', he would probably laugh and say no!
3) You are only human! Like it or not, you have a weakness! Batman's was Rachel.
4) To tie in with 3, Batman has a dark side! He's only rule is that he will never kill anyone. But I'm sure as hell positive that he would have killed The Joker for the death of Rachel. What stopped him? Fear! Fear of becoming like The Joker.
5) What is the difference between Hero and Villain? Where do you draw the line? Batman may refuse to kill but he still mane and majorly harm others. So The Joker kills people but some would argue that they would rather be killed off than maned.
6) All it takes is one rich company to make a machine that can spy on you and everyone in a city/country. Ask yourself this, if Lucius Fox didn't tell Bruce to destroy the machine, would Batman have used it after The Jokers capture? OF COURSE HE WOULD!

The list can go on but this isn't the reason why I'm writing this. I know why this movie is amazing and most know too but there are some that think differently. Talking to others about the movie, I always hear someone saying this:

"The Dark Knight is only rated so highly because it's the last performance by Heath Ledger!"

R.I.P Heath

THAT IS BULL! Yes, it is tragic that Heath Ledger died before the movie was released and he will be missed. BUT that doesn't mean this movie gets special credits! Look at The Crow and the death of Brandon Lee, IMDB rated The Crow at a good rating of 7.9 stars! Does it look like The Crow got special treatment? NO! It's sad what happened to Heath Ledger and he will forever be my favorite Joker, followed closely by Mark Hamill.

"But I heard that the role of The Joker killed him!"

WHAT! Now that is ridiculous! But lets look at the facts that people 'claim' supports their 'theory':

Heath developed insomnia while filming and had to take tablets - Wouldn't you have insomnia if your home life was difficult while you are flying all over the world filming TWO movies at the same time?!
Heath was a method actor - Yeah, him and many other actors! Actors do stupid things to get into character, Tom Cruz went undercover as a mail man so he could learn how to 'blend in' for a movie role! It's not uncommon!

People thinking the role killed Heath Ledger are stupid! There's no curse, no killer role and there are no facts! Think about it, Mark Hamill, Jack Nicholson and Cesar Romero didn't die from the role! And on the subject of Jack Nicholson, how dare he say he 'warned' Heath about the role! It's wasn't and still isn't his place to say that! If you haven't read the interview, you can read it here. In the end if Heath did kill himself, we will never know why so why can't people drop it and let the man rest in peace!

So like I said before, The Dark Knight is rated highly due to it's storyline and the reasons that noted earlier, not because of Heath Ledger's death. If you really think that is the case then why aren't many films, where actors died, rated higher? I suggest you re-watch the film and actually listen!

Aliens: Colonial Marines - DID YOU EVEN WATCH THE TRILOGY?!

The Aliens franchise, it's up there with Die Hard, The Terminator, Lord of The Rings, Nightmare On Elm Street, Friday the 13th, Predator.... The list goes on. So how kick ass would it be if you could be a marine, fighting Xenomorps? IT WOULD BE BLOODY AWESOME! And scary, don't forgot we're not all Ellen Ripley! After six years in the making, Aliens: Colonial Marines was finally released! Alien fans jumped in joy, me along with them. 

Set not long after Aliens, you and your fellow marines go to investegate the ship USS Sulaco after hearing distress calls made by Hicks. Of course you have no idea that the colony is over run by Xenomorphs. But that's not the only thing, we soon discover that The Weyland-Yutani corporation is using USS Sulaco as a host vessel for the Xenomorphs to do... whatever they do. THAT IS AMAZING! If you think about it, The Wey-Yu corp is basically the main bad guys in the movies! It it weren't for them, poor Ripley would have never have to fight the Xenomorphs again and it would have been GAME OVER MAN, GAME OVER!

So we are battling The Weyland corp and Xenomorphs at the same time, GREAT! But what is this I hear? A plot twist? Yes, it appears that one of the Marines from the movie is still alive! How is that possible, how can someone survive after seventeen weeks? Well Newt survived and she was only a child. But who could it be?

"APONE!" I hear you cry. Well if you want to know, have a look for yourself.

WTFLYINGF! HOW? WHAT?

Yeah, that was my reaction too! The makers of Aliens: Colonial Marines claim that they are 'big fans' of the franchise. I CALL BULL! Have you even seen the movies? What, you have! Well then you would know that it is IMPOSSIBLE for this person to be in the game. Now I don't want to spoil the game for anyone that doesn't want to know the spoilers but you will slap yourself silly at this incredibly stupid plot twist that murders my favorite movie of the franchise! I HATE THAT!   Warning to all games based of movies/shows/books, GET YOU FACTS RIGHT BEFORE YOU MAKE A PERMANENT MISTAKE!!!
       

WHAT IS WRONG WITH HORROR MOVIES LATELY?

I, TheGirlThatGetsPissedOff, love horror movies! Friday the 13th, Nightmare on Elm Street, Child's Play, any horror that Japan makes... I LOVE THEM! I can't get enough! But lately, horror  films are starting to... SUCK! So I'm going to pick some recent horror films and explain how and why they suck. But before that I think I should tell you what I think horror movies need to have to be scary, IN FACT these are my golden rules of horror films!

Golden Rule #1: A mysterious/unknown storyline
This is pretty much a basic for all horror/thriller movies! For example, The Ring: people are dying seven days after watching a strange video tape. Granted, I don't think The Ring is scary but it does have a certain 'wtf is going on, i want to know' and that is what keeps movie nutters attracted in the first place!

Golden Rule #2: Why is the bad guy/girl/whatever doing this?
Granted there are a few villains in movies that don't need a reason, aka The Joker. But we are talking horror movies here and nearly every villain has a reason why.  For example, Stay Alive: Lady Bathory lures young adults into her cursed video game so she can bath in their blood so she will forever remain youthful. Sounds silly doesn't it (surprisingly it's a good movie) but the villain has a reason!

Golden Rule #3: Have different settings!
Think of a happy place. Now think of a scary place. Which one would you use for a horror film? What? The scary place? Well guess what, you can use the happy place too! For example, The Grudge: My happy place is under the covers, don't deny that when you were little, if you were scared you would have hidden under the covers. We all did. But what if you are not alone? What if... THERE'S A FREAKY ASIAN WOMAN BEHIND YOU! AHHHHH! Under covers is no longer my happy place. But that doesn't mean every happy place is going to work out in a horror movie. If your happy place is the beach, don't expect Vampire's to turn up. (Please don't get me started on Twilight, I'm saving that for a time where I really need to let off some steam!)

Golden Rule #4: Don't get carried away!
Wonder why most people don't remember what happens in Friday the 13th part V? It's because they killed Jason off in part IV! Then brought him back, then killed him again and the brought him back but this time as a cyborg. Then Freddy freed him and.... you see where I'm going with this?

Golden Rule #5: Try to stick as close to reality as possible!
Do you think a burnt man is really going to kill you in your dreams? A 25 foot long shark is going to eat you while you walk the beach? A giant with a large triangle on his head is going to rip the skin off you by your chest? It seems very unlikely in the real world. I find that the movies that really scare me are the ones that 'could' happen. For example, Insidious: not so much the whole 'astral projection' but The Further or Limbo as I call it. I believe there are ghosts/spirits/evil entities due to personal experience/ So the fact that there are these entities trying to take over our bodies, following us, attacking us, scares the living shit out of me! 

"But!" I hear you say "You are moaning about recent horror films yet you use The Grudge, The Ring and Insidious as examples and even admitted two of them scared you!" Well these are what I call 'rare gems'! Horror films that stand out from the crowd for the right reasons... because they scare people!

Now lets move on the recent movies that don't scare and compare them to my golden rules.      


The Women In Black

I was very excited when I saw the trailer, finally a new horror that looked scary! Then came to the time to watch it and... surprise surprise, it sucked like most recent horror films. I couldn't take the film seriously, every time it went dark I was expecting Harry Potter to do the Lumos Maxima charm! (I know, that's more the actor's problem than the film but I couldn't resist it!)

Comparing to the golden rules:
Storyline - Children are being killed by a curse, sounds ok.
Spirt's reason why - Her child was taken away from her, so you kill kids because you can't have yours? Logic, where have you gone?
Settings - Edwardian era where everything is black and Gothic, big thumbs up. 
Carried away - Majorly! Too much useless information is flung at you, do we really need to know anything about this character if he/she is going to die soon? Too many twists and turns! It's confusing enough trying to keep track with the story itself!
Reality - Yeah it could happen but it's stupid why it happens!

With a total of 1 jump-scare, this film isn't scary at all! And SPOILER ALERT at the end when, finally the evil spirit is reunited with her son, she still kills people because... hey she's a bitch! I sat there thinking 'what was the point of watching this?' only to see that nothing has changed!

Drag Me To Hell

Where do I start? There was so much hype around this movie, everywhere I turned people were talking about drag me to hell. It was directed by Sam Raimi who directed films like The Evil Dead 1 & 2, Spider Man 1, 2 & 3 so I thought why not watch it. Well that was 99 minutes of my life I will never get back!

Storyline - Woman is cursed by an old gypsy woman because she refused to give the woman an extension on her mortgage payments. Ooooookaaaaaay so that wasn't mysterious at all.
Reason why - We already know.
Settings - Work, home, parking lot, everywhere.
Carried away - 100% Did you see the fight scene in the car park?! This gypsy is a old, fragile woman, no way in hell can she do all of that! Then there's the gross slobber scenes, is there any need for the gumming?! 
Reality - Everyone knows that you never mess with a gypsy, especial a old haggish looking one! Could happen.

For me, Drag Me To Hell is a comedy. For God sake there's a talking goat, WTF? There is nothing about this movie that should scare you! You know why/what/when/where and how, all you do is watch and wait to see if she dies or not in the end!

Episode 50

Not many people know about Episode 50, it's another Grave Encounters documentary style movie.

Storyline - a film crew that de-bunks paranormal myths travel to a haunted mental hospital to record their fiftieth episode. Sounds spooky.
Reason why - 
Setting - Mental hospital. Crazy people lived there once, of course it's scary!
Carried away - Everything seemed ok... until the last five minutes!
Reality - Crazy people do sometimes became violent and commit crimes. When they die and decide 'nah, i like the look of hell' what happens if they stay in limbo? You scared? 

This movie had so much going for it! It was scary, it was thrilling, the plot was good! Things were going great... until the end. Lost fans will know what it's like to go through the highs and lows only to find out it was just a dream. I HATE THOSE ENDINGS! But this is different, it's like the director sat there with the screenplay in front of him and thought 'I can't be bothered with this anymore!' Instead of following the movie through with it's story, they wrapped it up with a truly LAZY ASS ENDING! SPOILER ALERT, is that a portal to hell? What has this got to do with the story... oh main guy is dead now... end of movie. Such a shame that this good movie was ruined by a lazy ending that HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE STORY!

Silent Hill Revelation 3D

I loved the Silent Hill movie! When I heard about a second movie coming out, I was over the moon! I even went to see it in 3D!

Storyline - Sharon has returned from Silent Hill but has no memory of what happened. WHAT, WAIT! 
Reason why - Because Sharon is the other half of Alessa. So?
Settings - Silent Hill. Scary enough as it is.
Carried away - I'm still trying to work the movie out!
Reality - To be honest, my head hurts when I even try to think about this movie!

So Sharon is back but she isn't Sharon, she's Heather and Heather doesn't know she is Sharon. Sharon doesn't remember Silent Hill and Heather and Harry move around a lot. Some weird cult is looking for Christopher and Sharon because Heather is the good half of Alessa but the head of the cult is a demon and Harry wants to find Rose but doesn't want to leave Heather and Heather remembers that she's Sharon.... you see what I mean? HEADACHE! I'd say the only reason to watch this film again is to see Pyramid Head kick ass... for five minutes! 

WHAT'S WRONG WITH WOMEN BEING GAMERS?!

I, TheGirlThatGetsPissedOff, am a gamer. I love video games, I get excited when i walk into a shop and hold a brand new game in my hands. Hell, I even get excited unwrapping the packaging! Video games are a life line fore me. Ever since I can't remember, game have been in my life. I don't remember much of my childhood but I do remember the first game I ever played. (Tomb Raider III on the Play Station)

So, the other day I was talking to a random woman ad she asked me:

"So 'insert name', what do you do in your spare time?"

"I play video games"

And it all went down hill from there! The look on her face! It said it all. She isn't the first mind, many people have given that look whenever the topic has come up. So here's the question, what's wrong with women being gamers? 

It pisses me off! Why can't we (women) be gamers? I get a lot of people moan saying 'well that's not very feminine' well news flash, I'TS THE 21ST CENTURY! I am feminine! I love shoes and bags, isn't that what most women like? So why can't I like games? 

My friends say it's because I don't look like a gamer but that's just stupid! What do gamers look like? We're not all over weight and sloppy! I think, really, it's other women that put us (women gamers) to shame! It's the few that judge women for liking 'boyish' things. Most don't care but for the ones that don't like women playing video games, I got a few names for you! Lara Croft, Zelda, Jill Valentine, Claire Redfield... Do I really need to say any more? Oh I forgot, YOU WOULDN'T KNOW WHO THEY ARE!!!!