WHAT IS WRONG WITH HORROR MOVIES LATELY?

I, TheGirlThatGetsPissedOff, love horror movies! Friday the 13th, Nightmare on Elm Street, Child's Play, any horror that Japan makes... I LOVE THEM! I can't get enough! But lately, horror  films are starting to... SUCK! So I'm going to pick some recent horror films and explain how and why they suck. But before that I think I should tell you what I think horror movies need to have to be scary, IN FACT these are my golden rules of horror films!

Golden Rule #1: A mysterious/unknown storyline
This is pretty much a basic for all horror/thriller movies! For example, The Ring: people are dying seven days after watching a strange video tape. Granted, I don't think The Ring is scary but it does have a certain 'wtf is going on, i want to know' and that is what keeps movie nutters attracted in the first place!

Golden Rule #2: Why is the bad guy/girl/whatever doing this?
Granted there are a few villains in movies that don't need a reason, aka The Joker. But we are talking horror movies here and nearly every villain has a reason why.  For example, Stay Alive: Lady Bathory lures young adults into her cursed video game so she can bath in their blood so she will forever remain youthful. Sounds silly doesn't it (surprisingly it's a good movie) but the villain has a reason!

Golden Rule #3: Have different settings!
Think of a happy place. Now think of a scary place. Which one would you use for a horror film? What? The scary place? Well guess what, you can use the happy place too! For example, The Grudge: My happy place is under the covers, don't deny that when you were little, if you were scared you would have hidden under the covers. We all did. But what if you are not alone? What if... THERE'S A FREAKY ASIAN WOMAN BEHIND YOU! AHHHHH! Under covers is no longer my happy place. But that doesn't mean every happy place is going to work out in a horror movie. If your happy place is the beach, don't expect Vampire's to turn up. (Please don't get me started on Twilight, I'm saving that for a time where I really need to let off some steam!)

Golden Rule #4: Don't get carried away!
Wonder why most people don't remember what happens in Friday the 13th part V? It's because they killed Jason off in part IV! Then brought him back, then killed him again and the brought him back but this time as a cyborg. Then Freddy freed him and.... you see where I'm going with this?

Golden Rule #5: Try to stick as close to reality as possible!
Do you think a burnt man is really going to kill you in your dreams? A 25 foot long shark is going to eat you while you walk the beach? A giant with a large triangle on his head is going to rip the skin off you by your chest? It seems very unlikely in the real world. I find that the movies that really scare me are the ones that 'could' happen. For example, Insidious: not so much the whole 'astral projection' but The Further or Limbo as I call it. I believe there are ghosts/spirits/evil entities due to personal experience/ So the fact that there are these entities trying to take over our bodies, following us, attacking us, scares the living shit out of me! 

"But!" I hear you say "You are moaning about recent horror films yet you use The Grudge, The Ring and Insidious as examples and even admitted two of them scared you!" Well these are what I call 'rare gems'! Horror films that stand out from the crowd for the right reasons... because they scare people!

Now lets move on the recent movies that don't scare and compare them to my golden rules.      


The Women In Black

I was very excited when I saw the trailer, finally a new horror that looked scary! Then came to the time to watch it and... surprise surprise, it sucked like most recent horror films. I couldn't take the film seriously, every time it went dark I was expecting Harry Potter to do the Lumos Maxima charm! (I know, that's more the actor's problem than the film but I couldn't resist it!)

Comparing to the golden rules:
Storyline - Children are being killed by a curse, sounds ok.
Spirt's reason why - Her child was taken away from her, so you kill kids because you can't have yours? Logic, where have you gone?
Settings - Edwardian era where everything is black and Gothic, big thumbs up. 
Carried away - Majorly! Too much useless information is flung at you, do we really need to know anything about this character if he/she is going to die soon? Too many twists and turns! It's confusing enough trying to keep track with the story itself!
Reality - Yeah it could happen but it's stupid why it happens!

With a total of 1 jump-scare, this film isn't scary at all! And SPOILER ALERT at the end when, finally the evil spirit is reunited with her son, she still kills people because... hey she's a bitch! I sat there thinking 'what was the point of watching this?' only to see that nothing has changed!

Drag Me To Hell

Where do I start? There was so much hype around this movie, everywhere I turned people were talking about drag me to hell. It was directed by Sam Raimi who directed films like The Evil Dead 1 & 2, Spider Man 1, 2 & 3 so I thought why not watch it. Well that was 99 minutes of my life I will never get back!

Storyline - Woman is cursed by an old gypsy woman because she refused to give the woman an extension on her mortgage payments. Ooooookaaaaaay so that wasn't mysterious at all.
Reason why - We already know.
Settings - Work, home, parking lot, everywhere.
Carried away - 100% Did you see the fight scene in the car park?! This gypsy is a old, fragile woman, no way in hell can she do all of that! Then there's the gross slobber scenes, is there any need for the gumming?! 
Reality - Everyone knows that you never mess with a gypsy, especial a old haggish looking one! Could happen.

For me, Drag Me To Hell is a comedy. For God sake there's a talking goat, WTF? There is nothing about this movie that should scare you! You know why/what/when/where and how, all you do is watch and wait to see if she dies or not in the end!

Episode 50

Not many people know about Episode 50, it's another Grave Encounters documentary style movie.

Storyline - a film crew that de-bunks paranormal myths travel to a haunted mental hospital to record their fiftieth episode. Sounds spooky.
Reason why - 
Setting - Mental hospital. Crazy people lived there once, of course it's scary!
Carried away - Everything seemed ok... until the last five minutes!
Reality - Crazy people do sometimes became violent and commit crimes. When they die and decide 'nah, i like the look of hell' what happens if they stay in limbo? You scared? 

This movie had so much going for it! It was scary, it was thrilling, the plot was good! Things were going great... until the end. Lost fans will know what it's like to go through the highs and lows only to find out it was just a dream. I HATE THOSE ENDINGS! But this is different, it's like the director sat there with the screenplay in front of him and thought 'I can't be bothered with this anymore!' Instead of following the movie through with it's story, they wrapped it up with a truly LAZY ASS ENDING! SPOILER ALERT, is that a portal to hell? What has this got to do with the story... oh main guy is dead now... end of movie. Such a shame that this good movie was ruined by a lazy ending that HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE STORY!

Silent Hill Revelation 3D

I loved the Silent Hill movie! When I heard about a second movie coming out, I was over the moon! I even went to see it in 3D!

Storyline - Sharon has returned from Silent Hill but has no memory of what happened. WHAT, WAIT! 
Reason why - Because Sharon is the other half of Alessa. So?
Settings - Silent Hill. Scary enough as it is.
Carried away - I'm still trying to work the movie out!
Reality - To be honest, my head hurts when I even try to think about this movie!

So Sharon is back but she isn't Sharon, she's Heather and Heather doesn't know she is Sharon. Sharon doesn't remember Silent Hill and Heather and Harry move around a lot. Some weird cult is looking for Christopher and Sharon because Heather is the good half of Alessa but the head of the cult is a demon and Harry wants to find Rose but doesn't want to leave Heather and Heather remembers that she's Sharon.... you see what I mean? HEADACHE! I'd say the only reason to watch this film again is to see Pyramid Head kick ass... for five minutes!